Of the Apostle's Order in Laying Down the Duties of Husbands and Wives [Parts 9 & 10]

Section 1.9. Of the Apostle's Order in Laying Down the Duties of Husbands and Wives in the First Place.

Why Duties of Man and Wife First Delivered

There being three especial degrees, or orders in a family, (as we heard before) the apostle places husband and wife in the first rank, and first declares their duties, and that not without good reason: for—

Man and Wife Were the First Couple

1. First, The husband and wife were the first couple that ever were in the world. Adam and Eve were joined in  marriage, and made man and wife before they had children, or servants. So falls it out for the most part even to this day in erecting, or bringing together a family: the first couple is ordinarily an husband and wife.

Man and Wife are Commonly Chiefest in a Family

2. Secondly, most usually the husband and his wife are the chiefest in a family, all under them single persons: they governors of all the rest in the house. Therefore most meet it is, that they should first know their duty, and learn to practice it, that so they may be an example to all the rest. If they fail in their duty one to another, they give occasion to all the rest under them to be careless, and negligent in theirs. Let an husband be churlish to his wife, and despise her, he ministers an occasion to children and servants to contemn her likewise, and to be disobedient unto her: yea, to be churlish and froward one to another, especially to their underlings. Let a wife be untrusty and unfaithful to her husband, let her filch and purloin from him, children and servants will soon take courage, or rather boldness from her example privily to steal what they can from their father, and master. Thus is their breach of duty a double fault: one in respect to the party whom they wrong, and to whom they give occasion of sinning.

Use. Know therefore, O husbands and wives, that ye, above all other in the family, are most bound unto a conscionable performance of your duty. Greater will your condemnation be, if you fail therein. Look to it above the rest: and by your example draw on your children and servants (if you have any) to perform their duties: which surely they will more readily do, when they shall behold you as guides going before them, and making conscience of your joint and several duties.

Section 1.10. Of the Apostle's Order in Setting Down Inferiors' Duties in the First Place.

Wives Particular Duties First Laid Down, Because They are Inferiors

In handling the duties of the first forenamed couple, the apostle begins with wives, and lays down their particular duties in the first place. The reason of this order I take to be the inferiority of the wife to her husband. I do the rather take it so to be, because I observe this to be his usual method and order, first to declare the duties of inferiors, and then of superiors: For in handling the duties of children, [Eph 6:1] and parents, and of servants, [Eph 6:5] and masters, he begins with the inferiors, both in this, and in other Epistles; [Col 3:18,20,22] which order also Peter observes: [1 Pet 3:1] yea, the law [Exod 20:12] itself does in the first place, and that expressly, mention the inferior's duty, only implying the superior's to follow as a just consequence, which is this, If the inferior must give honor, and by virtue thereof perform such duties as appertain thereto, then must the superior carry himself worthy of honor, and by virtue thereof perform answerable duties.

Inferiors' Duties First Taught, Because They are Most Backward and Loth to Perform Them

Question. Why should inferiors' duties be more fully expressed, and placed in the first rank?

Answer. Surely because for the most part inferiors are most unwilling to undergo the duties of their place. Who is not more ready to rule, than the subject?

Greater Difficulty in Ruling Well, Than in Obeying

I deny not but that it is a far more difficult and hard matter to govern well than to obey well. For to rule and govern requires more knowledge, experience, wisdom, care, watchfulness, diligence, and other like virtues, than to obey and be subject. He that obeys has his rule laid before him, which is the will and command of his superior in things lawful, and not against God's will. But the superior who commands, is to consider not only what is lawful, but also what is most fit, meet, convenient, and every way of the best: yea also he must forecast for the time to come, and so far as he can observe whether that which is now for the present meet enough, may not be dangerous for the time to come, and in that respect unmeet to be urged. Whence it follows, that the superior in authority may sin in commanding that which the inferior in subjection may upon his command do without sin. Who can justly charge Joab [2 Sam 24:2 etc.] with sin in numbering the people, when David urged him by virtue of his authority so to do? [see Section 7.37] Yet did David sin in commanding it. Without all question Saul did sin in charging the people by an oath, to eat no food the day that they pursued their enemies (a time when they had most need to be refreshed with food, as Jonathan's words imply) and yet did not the people sin in forbearing: witness the event that followed on Jonathan's eating, [1 Sam 14:24, etc.] though he knew not his father's charge. Who sees not hereby, that it is a matter of much more difficulty to rule well, than to obey? Which is yet further evident by God's wise disposing providence in ordering who should govern, who obey. Commonly the younger for age, the weaker for sex, the meaner for estate, the more ignorant for understanding, with the like, are in places of subjection: but the older, stronger, wealthier, wiser, and such like persons, are for the most part, or at least should be in place of authority. Woe to thee O land (says Solomon) [Eccles 10:16] when thy king is a child. And Isaiah [Isa 3:4] denounces it as a curse to Israel, that children shall be their princes, and babes shall rule over them, and complains that women had rule over the people. [Isa 3:12]

Ambition is it Which Makes Inferiors Loth to be Subject

Now to return to the point, though it be so that Governors have the heaviest burden laid of their shoulders, yet inferiors that are under subjection think their burden the heaviest, and are loathest to bear it, and most willing to cast it away. For naturally there is in every one much pride and ambition, which as dust cast on the eyes of their understanding, puttest out the sight thereof, and so makes them affect superiority, and authority over others, and to be stubborn under the yoke of subjection: which is the cause that in all ages, both in divine, and also by human laws, penalties and punishments of divers kinds have been ordained, to keep inferiors in compass of their duty: and yet (such is the pride of man's heart) all will not serve. What age, what place ever was there, which has not just cause to complain of subjects' rebellion, servants' stubbornness, children's disobedience, wives' presumption? Not without cause therefore does the apostle first declare the duties of inferiors.

2. Inferiors Duties First Delivered, to Teach Them How to Win Their Governor's Favor

Besides, the apostle would hereby teach those who are under authority, how to move them that are in authority over them, to deal equally and kindly, not hardly and cruelly with them, namely, by endeavouring to perform their own duty first. For what is it that provokes to wrath, rage, and fury in Governors? What makes them that have authority, to deal roughly, and rigorously? Is it not for the most part disobedience, and stoutness in those that are under government? Though some in authority be so proud, so savage, and inhumane, as no honor done to them, no performance of duty can satisfy and content them, but they will (as David's enemies [Ps 38:20]) reward evil for goodness, yet the best general direction that can be prescribed to inferiors, to provoke their Governors to deal well with them, is, that inferiors themselves be careful and conscionable in doing their duty first. If their Governors on earth be nothing moved therewith, yet will the highest Lord in heaven graciously accept it.

3. By Obeying, Men Learn to Rule Well

Lastly, men must first learn to obey well, before they can rule well: for they who scorn to be subject to their Governors while they are under authority, are like to prove intolerably insolent when they are in authority.

Learn all that are under authority, how to win your Governor's favor: how to make your yoke easy, and your burden light: how to prevent many mischiefs which by reason of the power of your superiors over you may otherwise fall upon you: First do ye your duty.

Reasons Why Governors Ought First to Perform Their Duties

There are many weighty reasons to move Governors first to begin to do their duty. For,

First, by virtue of their authority they bear God's image, therefore in doing their duty they honor that image.

Secondly, by reason of their place they ought to go before such as are under them.

Thirdly, a faithful performance of their duty, is an especial means to keep their inferiors in compass of theirs.

Fourthly, their failing in duty is exemplary: it causes others under them to fail in theirs, and so it is a double sin.

Fifthly, their reckoning shall be the greater: for of them who have received more, more shall be required. It were therefore to be wished that superiors and inferiors would strive who should begin first, and who should perform their own part best, and in this kind strive to excel, as runners in a race strive to outstrip one another. [1 Cor 11]

Reasons Why Inferiors Ought First to Perform Their Duties

But if question be made who shall begin, I advise inferiors not to stand out in this strife, but to think the apostle first incites them: and that it is the safest for them to begin: for in this contention inferiors are like to fare that worst, by reason of the power which superiors have over them. And though it be more against our corrupt, proud, and stout nature, to be subject and obey, yet let us so much the more endeavor to yield duty in this kind. For it is an especial part of spiritual prudence, to observe what our corrupt nature is most prone unto, and wherein it most swells up, that therein we may most strive to beat it down: nature is contrary to grace, and the wisdom of the flesh is enmity against God. [Rom 8:7]