Indulgent Parents

Of Domestic Duties

William Gouge, 1622

Section 6.25. Of Parents' Too Much Lavishness and Indulgency Upon Their Children.

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Lavishness

Contrary 2. Others surpass as much in the excesses, feeding them too daintily: attiring them too garishly: tending them too cockeringly: and letting them spend too much time in sport and play. Many and great are the mischiefs that follow thereupon: as—

1. They who are in their childhood daintily fed, and too much pampered, besides that for the most part they are most sickly, they will in time grow so squeamish, and choice of meats, as their parents shall not know what to provide for them, or when to give it them: The full soul loatheth an honeycomb: [Prov 27:7] yea if a stranger comes to the table, where such a child sits, he may soon observe that he has been too daintily fed. If at first children be fed with ordinary moderate diet, they will afterwards both be in better health and liking, and also more contentedly, and thankfully accept whatsoever shall be provided for them. But excess breeds diseases both in body and mind.

2. Vanity in apparel does also much corrupt young children: for there is in them even from the cradle a natural disposition to outward bravery: now for parents to prank them up, what is it but to blow up the fire of that vanity, and make it arise into such a flame as in time may much scorch the parents themselves, and utterly consume the children: and yet how usual a fault is this? how monstrously do many parents offend therein? what foolish fashion is used of the greatest swaggerers, and lightest strumpets, which they will not bring their children unto, and that when their children are not able to discern between stuffs or colors? what can this proclaim but parents' pride and folly? Proud maids are many times the instruments of pranking up children (especially when they are little ones) more than is meet: but yet the blame lies on parents for suffering it.

3. Tending children too cockishly makes them too long children, and too tender: and often alters a good constitution of body. Some are so overmuch tender of their children, as if a child never so little complain, or refuse the meat (though for daintiness or fullness) the physician must presently be sent for, and the apothecary sent unto, and the child with supposed and apish kindness made much worse.

4. Too much sport makes them wild, rude, unfit to be trained up to any good calling, and spends their spirits, and wastes their strength too much. Yet many parents care not how much time their children spend in sport, and how little in learning: they think it dulls their children too much to be held to school, or to any learning: whereas indeed too much play infatuates them more, and learning would much sharpen their wits.

Indulgency.

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Contrary to this duty of correcting are two extremes.

1. Too much lenity.

2. Too much severity.

Many so cocker their children, as they will suffer them to run into any misdemeanor, rather than correct them. They cannot endure to hear their children cry: and therefore their children must be pleased in all their humours and evil desires. These parents bring shame to themselves, and mischief upon their children: for God is often forced to correct such. Heavy are God's corrections: and often light on parent and child both: as appears by the judgments on Eli and his sons: for such parents make themselves accessory to their children's sins: yea also to the judgments laid upon their children. God says of such parents, that they honour their children above God. [1 Sam 2:29] It is therefore a fond indulgency which makes parents regard neither God's honor, nor their own or children's safety.

Mothers for the most part offend herein, who are so far from performing this duty themselves, as they are much offended with their husbands if they do it. And to proclaim their folly to all the world, they cannot commit their children to a tutor or schoolmaster, but with a straight charge, that they correct them not.

Objection 1. Correction makes children sots and blocks.

Answer. If God's spirit deserve to have more credence than such foolish women, that objection is most false, for we heard before [see Section 46] how correction gives wisdom, and drives out foolishness. [Prov 22:15]

Objection 2. Mothers may be the more born with herein, because with long trouble they did bear, and with great travail bring forth their children.

Answer. That may be a good motive for them to seek the true good of their children, that so their trouble and travail may not be in vain: but not to uphold them in the broad way that leads to destruction.