Mutual Love

Of Domestic  Duty

William Gouge, 1622

Section 2b.10. Of Mutual Love Between Man and Wife.

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Hitherto of those common mutual duties which tend to the preservation of the very being of marriage, and are in that respect absolutely necessary. The other common mutual duties (though they be not of so absolute necessity as the former) are in their kind necessary for the good estate of marriage, and for the better preserving of that knot: so as, if they be not performed, the end and right use of marriage will be perverted, and that estate made uncomfortable, and very burdensome.

The first of these is love. A loving mutual affection must pass between husband and wife, or else no duty will be well performed: this is the ground of all the rest. In some respects love is proper and peculiar to an husband, as I purpose to show when I come to speak of an husband's particular duties. But love is also required of wives, and they are commanded to be lovers of their husbands, as well as husbands to love their wives: so as it is a common mutual duty belonging to husband and wife too: and that is true wedlock, when man and wife are linked together by the bond of love. Under love all other duties are comprised: for without it no duty can be well performed. Love is the fulfilling of the law, that is, the very life of all those duties which the law requires. It is the bond of perfection, which binds together all those duties that pass between party and party. Where love abounds, there all duties will readily and cheerfully be performed. Where love is wanting, there every duty will either be altogether neglected, or so carelessly performed, that as good not be performed at all: in which respect the apostle wills, that all things be done in love. Love as it provokes the party in whom it rules to do all the good it can; so it stirs up the party loved to repay good for good. It is like fire, which is not only hot in itself, but also conveys heat from one to another. Note how admirably this is set forth between Christ and his Spouse in the Song of Solomon: and it is further manifested in the examples of all good husbands and wives noted in the scripture: they did mutually bear a very loving affection one to another.

Though love be a general duty which every one owes to another, even to his enemy, yet the nearer that God has linked any together, the more are they bound to this duty, and the more must they abound therein. But of all others are man and wife most nearly and firmly linked together. Of all others therefore are they most bound hereunto, and that in the highest degree that may be, even like to Jonathan's love, who loved David as his own soul. [1 Sam 18:1,3] Solomon says, He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord: [Prov 18:22] which by the rule of relation is also true of an husband, She that finds an husband finds a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. Man and wife therefore are each to other an especial pledge of God's favor, and in this respect above all others under God to be loved. If this be the ground (as it ought to be) of their mutual love, their love will be fervent and constant. Neither will the want, or withering of any outward allurements, as beauty, personage, parentage, friends, riches, honours, or the like, withhold or withdraw, extinguish or extenuate their love: neither will any excellencies of nature or grace in other husbands and wives draw their hearts from their own to those other: nor yet will the love of a former yokefellow dead and gone, any whit lessen the love of the living mate.[1]